The Retirement Plan
by who but miss julep
Summary: HeHe!!! This is my


Author's note: Thanks for all of the great reviews on my other story, "Unhappily Ever After

Author's note: Thanks for all of the great reviews on my other story, "Unhappily Ever After." This story is telling about Alanna's retirement plan. I'm being bored again, so I suspect it's going to be pretty short. Again, this will probably be very strange and stupid. PLEASE REVIEW IT!!!!

The Retirement Plan__

Alanna stomped up to her room. _Gods_, she thought, _why the hell can't knights and squires make **more** money?!?!?_ She slammed the door of her room and threw herself on the bed.

"How can I ever _retire_?!?!?! Alanna muttered. "Being a squire sucks!!! Being a girl sucks! MY LIFE SUCKS!!!"By now, she was screaming on the top of her lungs. When she paused to catch her breath, a bright idea suddenly came over her. She lunged towards her desk and yanked out a book labeled _Making Money 101_. She thumbed threw it until she found the page she wanted. 

"Aha!! _Ruby's House of Sluts_: it's perfect!!! Now, what's the number..?" she grabbed a piece of paper, scribbling down an address. Leaping off her bed, Alanna pulled her door open, and dashed for the palace entrance…

_Later_…

"No, I'm sorry. I don't need any more prostitutes!!!!" Ruby said, firmly.

"Come on, Lady!!" shouted Alanna heatedly. "I need some more cash!! How else can I retire from being a kni-I mean a maid?!?" 

"That's your problem not mine," the lady replied coolly. Crestfallen, Alanna turned away. Ruby watched her start to walk away before she spoke again. "However, I have a job open as lap dancer. The pay's not as good as the prostitute business, but it's better than nothing."

Alanna considered the proposition before replying, "Hhmmm, that would be lowering my standards, but I guess that I'll take it."

Thus started Alanna's career…

"Alanna!! Hurry up! You're on in ten minutes!" Ruby shouted up the stairs.

"Just a sec!" Alanna replied. "I'm not done dressing." Dressing was not exactly what she was doing. She pushed an intoxicated Jon away from her, as she struggled into her "uniform." This "uniform" was nothing but a purple string bikini. She gave Jon a last kiss before rushing down the stairs. 

When she reached the entrance, she paused long enough to look into a mirror. Silently, she thanked the Goddess for giving her such a large bosom. She pasted on a flirtatious smile, and made her way into the crowded room.

As soon as she was in the room, someone behind her grabbed Alanna. She whipped around fast enough to see a drunken Roger trying to undo her top. Alanna pretended to struggle, while actually helping him to remove her tops. When Roger tried to grab her for a second time, she slapped him; Roger fell over in a dead faint. Alanna quickly got up and made her way towards a group of knights. 

"Hello, gentleman," she purred. "Is there anything I can get you?" The knights turned to look at her. All of their jaws dropped, and one nodded. Alanna proceeded in sitting on one knight's lap (the knight turned out to be Raoul, but Raoul had no idea that Alanna was such a big slut.). Alanna slipped her hands around his neck, allowing Raoul a very expansive look at her cleavage. While one hand played with the back of his neck, Alanna searched Raoul's pockets, stuffing all of the cash she found into her bikini bottom. She proceeded in collecting cash from all of the knights who were sitting with Raoul. When she had sat on everyone's lap, she smiled flirtaceously at them and said, "Time to go, boys."

With that, Alanna went back to her rooms. Unfortunately, Roger was conscious again. When he saw her leave, he got up and followed her. Alanna knew what he was doing, but she refused to say anything, as it was obvious that he had drunk _way_ too many peppermint schnapps. When she finally reached her rooms, she turned around to face Roger. 

"Go away," she said firmly.

"I want you," Roger replied unsteadily. 

"How much will you pay me?"

"Hhuuhhh?"

Alanna rolled her eyes. "For 100 gold nobles I'll sleep with you." Roger agreed quite readily and handed over the money. Alanna pushed him into her rooms and closed the door…

For the rest of her squire years, Alanna followed this routine, sometimes screwing ten men a night. She brought in so much business to _Ruby's House of Sluts_ that Ruby made her into a full-time prostitute.

Her retirement plan was complete. 

Author's note: Well, this story was much stranger than my other one. I know it's stupid, so you don't have to tell me that in the reviews. 


End file.
